How to Survive Stress

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It’s never a happy occasion when cops show up. Nobody calls the police and says “Send a unit over now. You’re never gonna believe the lasagna Tina made!”

I’m a patrol chaplain for the Harris County Sheriff’s Office in Houston, Texas–it’s the third-biggest in the country, and the biggest in Texas. I try to keep the guys with guns and badges grounded and in the right mindset. That’s not always easy–they don’t get paid well, they work hours that make social and family life impossible, and the overall stress of their work contributes to relationship failure, drinking problems, PTSD, and suicide.

When a cop makes a mistake, they might die. There’s no on-the-job risk greater than that. You can and reasonably might be killed by a careless motorist, a hardened felon, a drug-addict, or a middle-aged woman in a minivan.

You might only get your leg shattered, or get stabbed, or have your shoulder dislocated while trying to arrest a violent drunk. And you might end up killing a person and have to live with that. Knowing this, the average cop has one thing on his or her mind above all else: get home safely after your shift.

Patrol work is like intracoastal sailing: hours of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror.  And you learn things.  Things that others who came before you learned during their time “on the job.”  There are things learned by personal experience and things learned by surviving people who did not.

You learn to wait until the car is moving before putting your seatbelt on. You never know if you are about to be ambushed. Take the belt off before you park, in case you have to bail from the vehicle quickly. And keep the window cracked open a little and turn the radio down. You need to be able to hear what’s going on around you.

You learn how someone rubs their hands on their head, or wipes their sweaty palms on the front of their pants right before they lunge at you.

You learn a woman’s neckline will flush when she is lying. And how a man’s lips will move when he’s lying. Pretty much, everybody lies to you, all the time, about everything. You shouldn’t trust anything but what you see their hands doing.

You learn it’s not bad to live life a little suspiciously. It’s not bad to be a little more aware of your surroundings and of potential threats or dangers. It makes you a better driver, for one. You learn never to say, “It’s quiet tonight, huh?” Seriously. Never.

You learn bad things happen, and when they happen, if you survive, certain things are going to happen to you mentally, physically and spiritually.

Some events will overcome your normal coping mechanisms. I recently assisted in the aftermath of the murder of an entire family, save a single teenage survivor. Everyone involved in the response was deeply affected, because everyone involved was, and is, a compassionate and decent human being.

You don’t have to be a cop, or fireman, or an astronaut to encounter crisis, and the stress that comes with crisis. The toughest day I’ve ever had was the day I had to euthanize my dog.

Crisis brings what we call Critical Stress. Got fired? Critical Stress. Car accident? Critical Stress. Found your girl in bed with someone you didn’t want there? Critical Stress.

There are no short cuts to serenity, and resilience comes after experience and pain. How well you endure that pain has a lot to do with how willing you are to admit to being human.

First, you have to understand what is happening to you. During and after Critical Stress,  you are attacked on two fronts. The first is physical, the second is psychological.

Physically, your body is flooded with adrenaline, cortisol, and all sorts of other stress hormones, chemicals and what-have you. You have to get the poison out. You can cry it out, sweat it out, or piss it out.

Drink enough water. Eat enough real food. Get regular exercise. Get some sleep. Breathe. If you need to use a checklist, do it. Eat a little. Drink a little water. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Go to your happy place.

Hanging out with the four firewater brothers, Jim, Jack, Johnny and José? Not a good choice. If you drink, have one extra drink. Not two. And drink a little more water.

Mostly, get rest and take care of yourself. You’ve just suffered the mental and spiritual equivalent of a car crash. At the very least, you’re going to be sore. That particular crime I spoke of? It was the psychological equivalent of getting T-boned by a pickup truck.

Talk to somebody you trust who can help you. Maybe it’s your accountant. Maybe it’s your old football coach. Some cops call this person their “rabbi.” Go see that person, and let them know you’re hurting.

And don’t forget one of the greatest tools of all when faced with Critical Stress. Laughter. It’s okay to laugh. You have a sense of humor for a reason. Like piss, sweat, and tears, laughter helps get the poison out.

 

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How to Survive Stress