10 ways to know if your child is lying to you

Mothers can be mind readers of sorts when it comes to their kids. To a child who is unaware of this universal fact, lying may seem like a convenient escape route to trick parents and get off scot-free! While the slightest glance at your child’s face is usually enough for you to gauge your child’s sincerity, at times you may need a little extra help. Here are some signs that your child might be trying to lie to you.

No eye contact: If your child finds it difficult to make eye contact with you while talking or finds it difficult to look into your eyes for more than a split second, then that should be a good enough indication of his/her sincerity. Children are naturally innocent, but they’re also growing into adults and they will start to test your limits, your lie-detection skills included. This tussle actually makes it difficult for the little one to concentrate on the eyes while talking, which is generally a dead giveaway.

Trembling hands and legs: Telling lies is not easy, especially if your child is a novice at such acts. What makes the hands and legs tremble is the fear and impending consequences of their actions. They know punishment is inevitable if caught, but can’t help themselves out of fear, or in the hope that they might get the better of you. Even for adults telling lies is an act that disrupts the harmony between the body and the mind. It is definitely more difficult for children to cope with such psychological discrepancies, hence the tremors.

Change in tone and intonation: When your child speaks to you she is most comfortable. But when she lies to you it’s just the opposite. Her tone will change with a lie. While she speaks, her vocal chords will stiffen and either the words will be spoken in a tone different from her usual one or in a harsh pitch. It also makes it difficult for her to maintain uniformity in the pitch or there would be a great deal of fluctuation in her intonation as she speaks. The underlying fear in her voice would also be hard to miss. The inconsistent tone is further accentuated because of the her nervousness that causes her swallow air or saliva that builds up. 

Unusual behaviour: If you notice that your child suddenly ate all the veggies or has started to study, forgoing his TV time, this should raise your suspicion levels. Especially if he has told you something that you suspected to be a lie. All these acts are just a mere attempt to please you and keep your mind off the lie.

Starts fidgeting: Along with the changes in tone and tremors, your child might start to fidget with something that is nearby, either the curtains, the pencils, the table or anything that she can lay her hands on. This act is an attempt for your child to find comfort in something than can reduce the burden and stress of telling a lie.

Inconsistencies in statements: The best way to figure out if your child is lying to you is to make her repeat the whole incident again. You will instantly notice a lot of inconsistencies.

Changes in body language: If you notice your child telling a lie, very often the entire body goes into a spasm due to the fear and the knowledge that the act is not acceptable or correct. Nail biting is also often observed in kids when they lie and facial expressions also tend to betray their emotions.

Defensive or aggressive behaviour: A young child who is lying will often be defensive about his statements and get aggressive if you attempt to make any accusations. During the course of a casual conversations such behavioural changes can easily go unnoticed.

Image source: Getty images

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Friendship Day 2014: Is your child with the right set of friends?

Parenting is not an easy job and it has never been easy. Just when you think that you have managed to do a decent job by incorporating good habits in your child, taught the basic rules of discipline and mannerism, and paved the foundation to be an independent thinking individual, your child might show signs that can indicate that all your meticulous planning and hard work for years has gone down the drain. Because no matter what you teach and tell your child about life and healthy living, peer pressure and the influence of friends has a large role to play in shaping your child’s personality. The company your child keeps always matters. Bad company might just ruin all the character building exercises that you had been practising for so long. Though your child won’t be in the position to differentiate the right from the wrong, here are some signs that can be a total give-away:

Change in behaviour: The tell-tale signs of bad company will usually reflect in drastic changes in your child’s behaviour. Is your otherwise well-behaved and well-mannered child showing disrespect towards you or the elders in the family? Is he being arrogant and rude to his siblings? These can be the traits that he is picking up from other children at school or the park, while enjoying their company. Remember children can find it hard to tell good behaviour from bad. Children learn a lot by imitation and they will also imitate the behaviour and actions of children they interact with, without realizing the consequences. If not checked or corrected right at the start, this could continue and lead to other behavioural problems in the future.

Falling grades: Not all back-benchers are dull, unintelligent and rebellious, so don’t discourage your child from interacting with specific groups of children. But if your child has fallen in the company of those back-benchers who possess undesirable traits that are beginning to rub off on your child, it can pose a problem. Your child may begin to experience difficulties focussing on studies like he did before, as other activities will keep vying more for his attention. Falling grades for no other particular reason should arouse suspicion about his company at school and elsewhere.

Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed: With bad company comes a host of bad habits too. These habits drain your child’s energy so much that he has little or no interest left for the activities he once enjoyed the most. If at all your child mingles with the kids who have bad habits, he could even get involved in activities like stealing, bullying, tearing books, teasing others etc. Because these activities are new to him, it might keep him more occupied than the other hobbies that he loved in the past.

Rebellious or secretive behaviour: Despite their innocence and naivety, children do have some understanding of what is good and what isn’t expected of them. Children are in fact more attuned to their conscience, as they haven’t yet learned to silence feelings of guilt, as many adults do. This gives rise to an unusual feeling of discomfort within. Since they hardly know how to deal with such feelings of guilt and fault, they can often rebel to defend their actions or become secretive about their activities with parents, closing all channels of communication. When your child stops talking about his usual activities of the day and keeps numb that should be warning enough that all isn’t well.

Picks up vices: Responsible parents avoid smoking or drinking around their children, so its unlikely for such habits to be picked up at home. Only if your child has seen you indulge in these vices can it create an interest for him. Children are naturally curious and will try to experiment with such vices if they find themselves in the company of friends who do. If you find that your child has picked up any of these vices, it should be obvious that he isn’t keeping good company. Its important to educate your child on the danger of such habits, as this will help your child to make better informed choices. 

Has a new set of friends: If your child has suddenly stopped interacting with the old friends and has picked up new friends, who are known to cause trouble, there is a good chance that your child has picked up a lot of their character flaws and behavioural traits that are changing his personality altogether. In such a scenario it’s important that you intervene and get to the root of the problem soon.

What you can do?

Just doling out advice to your child about right and wrong might not help here. You will need to do a little hard work to help your child get back on track. Here’s what you can do:

Talk to your child: Be specific about the subject and make it clear that you are talking about his friends and why you disapprove of them. Its extremely important that you are tactful and not too aggressive with your approach as children are very defensive about their choice of friends and might not like adult interference. Pick out the specific traits about his friends that you dislike the most and explain why such behaviour is not acceptable and expected out of your child.

Teach good values: The importance of teaching good values from a very early age cannot be emphasized enough. A firm grasp over good values early will help your child avoid the wrong ones.

Be more patient: Remember, changing behaviour and changing friends (especially the bad ones) isn’t going to happen overnight. Be patient and try to talk and reason with your child instead of losing your temper or outright forbidding certain behaviours. 

Spend ample amount of time: Usually a child falls into bad company when there is a dispute or disharmony at home, so check on the peace-quotient you share at home. A lot of emotional bonding and understanding will help your child stick to his own values and interests rather than picking on habits that are disapproved of.

Get help: If you notice that your child cannot extricate himself from the company he keeps and that its having a detrimental effect on his character and well-being, opt for counselling to help solve the problem. You can also consult his teachers and authorities at school for advice and help. 

Image source: Getty images

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10 ways to tell if your child is being bullied at school

Bullying is a deliberate act in which a child exerts power and control over another child of the same age or younger. This isn’t an extension of power or strength; this act instead signifies that the bully needs help to deal with some core difficulties that often cause children to act in an overly aggressive and dominating manner. While this is an unhealthy trait and will affect the development and personality of the bully, it can be a lot more damaging to the victim. Children often suffer in silence and are unable to express themselves and seek help or are simply afraid to do so. In such situations, it’s important to pay heed to any signs that indicate that your child may be a victim of bullying:

Loss of stationary or supplies: This is a prime sign that says your child is being bullied at school, especially if not usually in the habit of losing things. A bully will always pick on your child and try to snatch away stationeries and other necessities that your child might posses. This is not due to the fact that the bully is in need of such things, but depriving your child from his or her goodies gives the bully immense pleasure. This in fact hurts your child deeply, knowing that he isn’t able to defend or protect himself. This feeling of despair makes him more vulnerable to the bully. So check your child’s school bag meticulously to know if everything is intact. Missing stationary or supplies may be a sign that you need to investigate the matter a little deeper. Don’t hit the panic button every time your child loses something, but be cautious and try to gauge the situation thoroughly.

Severe mood swings: If your child was always a playful, bundle of joy and suddenly transformed into a quiet shy kid, who prefers to retreat into his own little world, this is a definite give-away. Remember, with children sudden mood swings aren’t to be ignored. Especially if you notice that your child is very withdrawn after coming home from school. With an introvert it may be a different story altogether. An introvert child when bullied can turn out to be a bubble of energy at home. But these energies aren’t channelled in the right direction and would usually be expressed in bouts of aggressive and violent behaviour.

Sleep troubles: Check on your child’s sleep timings and routine. Stress is a major factor that hampers sleep. Being a victim at school, a place where he spends most of his time, stress levels are only going to soar. This can affect his sleep greatly. Too little or too much sleep is an obvious sign of distress. A child who is victimised by bullying can be traumatised and suffer severe stress and anxiety making sleep unthinkable. On the other hand long sleep hours don’t always indicate restful sleep and could instead be a form of escape for your child.

Feels lonely and is without friends: Being a mother, it is natural that you will be aware of your child’s activities and the company he keeps. If you notice that your child’s list of friends has begun to dwindle and he has fewer or no friends to fall back on to, it could be a sign that he is being bullied at school. This may be because your child’s friends are too few or are simply not in a position to stand up for him or are simply scared that they may be the next victims.

Has low self esteem: One of the worst things that bullying does to a child is to erode his self esteem completely. If not addressed swiftly, this can have a lasting effect on his personality. The inability to defend one’s self and the accompanying feeling of helplessness can severely affect one’s ego and self-esteem, more so with a child. Such an experience can also alter a child’s perception of the world around.

Wants to skip school or avoids the playground: If you notice that your child goes cold in the hands and feet as soon as it is time to go to school or the playground and stubbornly resists when you try to move him out, you should know that all is not fine. Sometimes children aren’t able to express their feelings of despair in words, so it is important for parents to pick up on such non-verbal cues. If your child gets scared when you take a familiar route or gets clingy when you want to leave him at the playground, it would be wise to talk to your child and get to the core of the problem, rather than trying to discipline him at the time.

Loss of interest in the usual activities: Extracurricular activities are a great way for your child to express, learn and grow. If your child shows the slightest sign of a loss of interest in otherwise pleasurable activities, then it’s an obvious sign of worry.

Starts to bully siblings or others at home: A victim of bullying can at times take to reversing roles. Kids often tend to express themselves in ways that appear strange to adults, but it really isn’t uncommon for children to lash out in this manner by demonstrating the same aggressive bullying streaks that have been causing them such discomfort. If that isn’t a usual trait of your child, get to talking and find out what is happening in his life.

Physical marks of abuse: Cuts, bruises and other physical marks of abuse should be a sign enough that your child is being bullied at school and the incidents need adult intervention soon.

Deteriorating health: Headaches, stomach aches, frequent fevers, tremors, all can be a result of constant bullying happening at school. High levels of stress can have a weakening effect on the immune system making your child prone to sickness and ill-health all too often. 

Image source: Getty images

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For more articles on baby care, visit our pregnancy section. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for all the latest updates! For daily free health tips, sign up for our newsletter. And to join discussions on health topics of your choice, visit our forum.

 

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Want your child to study well? Ensure a good night’s sleep

If you want your kids to do well in school, make sure that they get adequate sleep as researchers have found that lack of sleep increases the risk of failure in school. Adolescents who suffer from sleep disturbance or habitual short sleep duration (less than 7 hours per day) are less likely to succeed academically compared with those who enjoy a good night’s sleep, the findings showed.

The study involved more than 20,000 adolescents aged between 12 and 19 in Sweden. ‘Another important finding of our study is that around 30 percent of the adolescents reported regular sleep problems,’ said lead researcher Christian Benedict from the Uppsala University in Sweden.

‘Similar observations have been made in other adolescent cohorts, indicating that sleep problems among adolescents have reached an epidemic level in our modern societies,’ Benedict added.

The study appeared in the journal Sleep Medicine.

Source: IANS

Image courtesy: Getty Images

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• 10 ways to tell if your child is being bullied at school

For more articles on pregnancy, visit our pregnancy section. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for all the latest updates! For daily free health tips, sign up for our newsletter. And for health-related queries, visit our Questions and Answers section.

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