How to ensure your child never cheat to you

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It is a known fact that children lie to their elders, and they do it often to get away with things that could offend others. However, what these little souls don’t understand is that adults are ahead of them in detecting a lie. In the long run, if lying becomes a habit, it could lead to a flawed personality. So, it is important for parents to help their kids draw the line between the good, and the bad and help one learn good principles to be a better human being, and one of them is to help them speak the truth.

Setting the right example

Remember nobody teaches a child to lie to their parents, elder or peers. They pick up the habit while exploring different ways to communicate with others. ‘Parents must accept the fact that their child might lie to them at one point of time or the other and it is not a crime. It is important for them to be a good role model first before expecting the same from the child. This is because children pick up behaviour and attitudes by seeing their parents,’ says Dr Pavan Sonar, Consultant Psychiatrist, Riddhivinayak hospital, Mumbai. Here are a few things you can do to set the right example:

Don’t lie to your child ever: Be realistic about the promises you make to your child and fulfill them. If you can’t oblige to your child’s unnatural demands be assertive with a ‘no’.

Never lie in front of your child: Be very particular in your actions and behaviour when around your child. Don’t lie to your spouse, friends or neighbours in front of your child.

Always stand for the truth: This might not have a direct impact but will help your child learn the value of truth through your actions.

Confronting a lie

The harsh truth is that despite your efforts, dedication and affection towards your child, he might still lie to you. ‘When this happens don’t lose your temper, remember nobody gets an ideal child to live with. Instead, understand that if your child is lying to you there might be some underlying issue that is stopping him from telling the truth. It is important to reach the depths of the situation to rectify it at the surface,’ says Dr Sonar. Here are few things that you need to keep in mind when you confront your child’s lie.

Stay calm and talk: ‘If you get angry on your child because of a lie beware, it could close all routes of communication. Your child might be afraid to talk to you about the truth anyway,’ says Dr Sonar. Once you recognise a lie try to be calm and talk to your child.

Confront in a non-threatening way: Sometimes a child lies to save his sibling or friend from a situation, other times it would be clearly to shrug off mistakes like forgetting to do homework or a more severe one like robbing stationary from a friend. In either case, beating and shouting will not help. With the severe ones, you can be little direct and talk it out. But if a lie is to save someone from a situation, pat your child and then tell him why lying, instead of his good intentions, isn’t a good idea.

Accept the situation: When your child lies to you accept the situation no matter what your expectations are from your child. Sit with him and tell him why you think that what he said wasn’t the truth and reason out with him. Don’t force him to speak the truth immediately, if he is not comfortable, create a situation so he can trust you.

Teaching the right lessons

Even though lying is a habit many kids pick up, it shouldn’t be left to escalate into a full-fledged habit; here are few steps you can ensure the same:

Improve your communication with your child: Most of the time a child lies to an elder when there is some gap or miscommunication between the two. To improve communication between you and your child, talk more to your child regularly. Talk about everything under the sun and also about the previous lies that he had spoken. Improving level of communication will help your child be more co-operating and entrusting towards you, even when he has committed a mistake.

Encourage your child to speak the truth: At times, your child might lie to you because the truth could be a bit offensive, especially towards someone in the family (in case of victims of sexual abuse), try to be supportive during such situations. Apart from giving verbal assurance, give lots of hugs and cuddle your child to open up to you with ease.

Practise storytelling with morals: There are many stories with morals that explain in a child-friendly manner that telling a lie isn’t a good habit. Read your child stories that will help inculcate such habits in them.

Talk to a psychiatrist: If lying becomes a habit in your child, talk to a psychiatrist to take the necessary steps in helping your child get back on track, else it can be harmful later.

How lying can affect a child

‘Many children use lying as a coping method for survival. This can damage his image, relationship with family, friend and peers. Later, lying can also lead to avoidance of efforts or responsibilities which could adversely affect his personality and character,’ says Dr Sonar. Hence, it is important to ensure that your child doesn’t make lying a life-long habit.

Image courtesy: Getty Images

 

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How to ensure your child never cheat to you